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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Let Life Lead You Where You Need to Go

So many times, a topic will come to my mind for a post in this blog, and I'll start writing thinking I'll be approaching it from a certain slant. And then, for some reason, my writing seems to almost be taken over by some other force & it ends coming out an entirely different essay than what I intended to talk about! I don't go into any of my writing hoping to be controversial, hit a nerve on anyone or gain fame. Some of the posts I thought were very basic or "not my best work" end up being my most-read, and vice versa. I may pour my heart into a blog only to see five people read it. But my work isn't about me, it's about you all. There's no room in my blog for my ego. I have no clue going in what will be popular & what won't be, and I've given up trying to figure it out. I may start out writing about being good to yourself & think I'll be talking about pampering, only to end up telling you how to stand up for yourself in the workplace! I don't necessarily want to share personal stories from my life sometimes- but I get compelled to! I do not get enough feedback to know if I'm sharing too much or too little information, and maybe that's best- it might color my writing if I did know how every reader truthfully felt.

I remember watching Joyce Meyer's "Life in the Word" show years ago, and periodically she'd say, "I didn't have any intention of talking about this tonight. It wasn't what my message was on in the title, and nothing in my notes was about this for tonight's talk. But I prayed to be a vessel, and for God's will to be done over mine, so I guess He thought you all needed to hear what I'm saying now!" She was & is willing to change horses in mid-stream, and she's an extremely successful evangelist. She is also willing to be bracingly honest with her audience, and her example of allowing others to see her faults is one that sticks with me to the core. The women I've admired most- Joyce, my mother, my great-grandmother, Hillary Clinton & a few others- were all outspoken & yet willing to acknowledge their own faults. If someone "important" like Joyce Meyer is willing to let her hair down & expose her flaws to the world, why shouldn't I be willing to do the same? She's the only TV preacher that I can stand to listen to, I might add. She may say things that taste more acidic than sweet sometimes to get down, but her heart is eternally in the right place, and Joyce is always more than willing to advise how she get the knowledge she did (which is usually through making her own mistakes many times over). I admire that she was not a person who immediately got perfected when she accepted Christ into her life, and is willing to acknowledge that. How could any of us have gotten her great teachings if she had been perfect right from the get-go? We couldn't- she never would've been called to preach if she'd never had to learn from her mistakes. It's a huge part of why Joyce is the most successful TV preacher that I'm aware of. When she preaches, you're not being talked at with the condescending voice of authority, but the loving voice of someone who has lived through giving her flaws over to God to make them into something great instead. It takes time to see through mistakes to the other side, but what a wondrous thing when that happens. We are given our failings for a reason- not to feel bad about ourselves, but to learn & grow from them!

I didn't start out this blog to be religious, and I am not out to convert anyone to anything. That isn't my place. You & you alone know what's right for your life. I do know, however, that if you're reading this, you're a special person. You want to get better at living life. You want to give more to those around you. You want to stop feeling sad, frustrated, underwhelmed with life & overwhelmed with work. You know that you can improve your circumstances, and the lives of those around you, but you may not know how. I may not always know what will touch your heart in my writing, but I believe that something or someone else does know how to reach you, and maybe that something is what puts these words on the page. Something I say may stick with you for the rest of your life without me ever knowing it, and I hope that something is good if it happens. Don't ever let anyone determine your destiny for you. If you are living in a cluttered home & it's the butt of everyone's joke in your family because you've always been "a messie", don't think for a second that you're stuck living the rest of your life that way. I could not have written this blog ten or even five years ago. My life was a mess. I looked good on the outside, but my home was a chaotic disaster. I had no clue what I wanted in life. I had no idea what I should be doing for a career. I questioned every choice I made. I felt unloved & unneeded by the world at large. I felt like a failure in so many ways. I had many dark days. Chronic pain followed me like a shadow. Don't think for a second that I was born having it all together. If you asked more than a few people in my school who would've been the most likely to fail in life, they probably would've picked me. If you asked a few people from my childhood who the most worthless person they knew was, I would've been pretty close to the top of the list. But the universe, or God, or whatever you choose to believe in, doesn't exist by those human standards. What was once the least can & will become the greatest. It doesn't mean you're better than anyone, but that you can achieve remarkable things. You can be the person that you were always supposed to be. It doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't happen without walking through fire. But keep walking, keep growing, and IT DOES HAPPEN.

I don't know most of you personally. I have no idea what challenges you're facing right now. But I'll speak from my heart & hope that somehow I can reach those who are most hurting with this blog. I've been rejected by a parent- one of the two people in life who was supposed to love me unconditionally, didn't love me. And they never will. I had to let that go & look closely at who else loved me instead. I had to heal from that hurt and it took time. I struggled with severe depression, anxiety, agoraphobia & suicidal thoughts for many years. Hopelessness & I were once the best of friends. I've been obese in a world that despises excess fat. I've been told by many a teacher & others in authority that I was lazy, undisciplined, had no work ethic & was a negative influence on others. I've been pushed, teased & called names which no child should ever have to hear. I've had a bedroom where I couldn't see the floor for the clutter. I've faced a kitchen piled with dirty dishes many times. I've been unemployed & didn't know where the money to pay the phone bill would come from. Something, somewhere is always holding me up & holding my hand. I gave my life over to that, and miraculous changes took place. I prayed for big changes, for my life to go in the direction it needed to, and I got my answers. That isn't to say it's been easy, or that my tests are over- I face fresh testing every day. But I made it through to the other side of life where hope reigns over despair. I live the life of my dreams. I have the most wonderful best friend in the universe. I have a loving family. I live in a beautiful, clean, safe home in a free nation. I'm attractive, fit, pretty healthy & very organized. I'm well-respected, knowledgable & talented. I found my calling in life & I get to work at it daily. I have the most beautiful cat on earth for a furry companion. I want for nothing. You can get to your own version of this nirvana. I promise you this. But first you have to believe that you're worth it, that it's coming to you (it's your inheritance) & that something big is on your side. Don't hide from the light- walk into it, because that's where your place is.

Here's to being a happy organized minimalist,


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